Forever

Five years ago I declared that word. I planned, I promised, even sealed with a kiss my forever. Some may say “how can you promise forever,when you don’t know what will come?” Some may say I was to young to understand the weight of the word forever. Some take it lightly and really mean – until something happens or something better comes along. But me- I meant it. Forever… Not just for now, not just until I don’t want to anymore. Forever.

I hear divorce rates in this country quoted at 50% alot, so I did some research of my own. 50% is actually a little higher than where we sit currently- and frankly- I was surprised. It seems as if every time I turn around lately, so and so are having issues or they got a divorce or they are seperated. It just breaks my heart.

I’ll be the first to admit that my marriage is far from perfect. I’ll also admit that some days, I wouldn’t want to live with me- I don’t know how my husband puts up with me sometimes. We fight, we have issues, we have three kids 3 and under (need I say more?!?!). But almost five years later- I am still madly in love with him. Is it the blush when he walks in the room, heart pounding, excitement stirring, goose bumps kind of love that I remember from year one…. No. And truthfully, I don’t want to go back. The love we have now is oh so much better… It’s the we have experienced a little bit of life, cried together, laughed together, brought three kids into this world, survived being jobless for six months, stayed when I wanted to run, bought a house together, you know what I’m saying with this look, I know your favorite everything – kinda love. These five years of marriage have strenghtened my resolve- forever still means forever. I may not always like him (and vice-versa) but I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He is the man that was hand-picked by my creator to be by my side forever. I know that fact so much more deeply now than when I stood at that alter.

To me- love is a choice, not just a feeling. I can guarantee, when I am picking up his shoes from the middle of the living room for the gazillionth time, I am not feeling “love” towards my husband. But I choose to love him with my actions. He chooses to love me with his words when I deserve much less. It’s a battle- but we are battling side by side against the things that are trying to tear us apart, not battling one another. I pray this remains the case.

I am by no means trying to bash anyone who has found themselves in this type of situation. Life happens and we deal with it. I am more pointing out the importance of choosing a mate and knowing that God has placed you together. I don’t try to imagine I know what others lives are like. I am simply sharing my story and how God has blessed me. It breaks my heart to hear these things. But I know a God who is able to mend broken hearts and lives. I am happily married to the man of my dreams and pray that we experience many more years together. I’m ready for the next 50 years and can’t wait for the ride- the ups and downs.

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