Do you ever get the feeling… When did I grow up to have people trust me with this much responsibility?!?!

It seems like yesterday that I was 12 and incapable of being responsible. Ok, I was capable, but no one thought I was. I was Home-schooled from the 5th grade on. We lived in a state with a horrible education system, so in order to excel, my parents took me out of the system and enabled me to learn at my own pace. Being extremely self-motivated, I graduated a year and a half early. I remember spending so much time trying to prove that I was “old enough” “mature enough” to do things. I went to college at 17, and was treated as the baby most times. Sometimes it was warranted, but I dreamt of the day that no one would question my capability.

I remember the first time I was asked to make a dish for a church function. I had always been involved in church, but no one had ever asked me to make part of the meals- I was, after all, just a poor college student. But I had gotten married and entered a new phase of life. It was quite exhilarating. I felt so grown- like I had arrived.

Today, I got a little overwhelmed by how much people trust me. Somedays I still feel like that twelve year old, and wish people would take the responsibility back! I think maybe they have more confidence in me than I have in myself. It’s not that I think that I can’t complete certain things. On the contrary, I consider myself quite capable of many things. It’s the amount of things that I am faced with to complete capably!
As a mom, I am confident in my ability to raise my children. I was raised by great parents and have guiding principles instilled in me that I turn to. I have read, and will read, many books on parenting. Not that parenting can be learned from a book, but learning from others experiences is always a plus.
At work, I feel capable of performing my job. I know I am an intelligent woman who can handle the daily tasks assigned to me. I learn quickly and can adjust easily to new tasks. Which is great when you have a spontaneous boss! šŸ™‚
At home, I am a capable wife. I cook well, coupon shop and keep a fairly clean house(which means a lot when you have three little ones who live to make a mess!). I organize my duties and perform them to the best of my ability.
The problem I run into is when I combine these responsibilities. As stated before, I am a bit of a perfectionist. I hate to have things hanging in mid-air. The same thing that makes me good at my various jobs is the thing that stresses me out. I hate for my house to be a mess, but this week has afforded me little time to clean. So tomorrow, I will tackle the mess that threatens to take over my humble abode.

I believe that many women struggle to find this balance. We are told to be home with our kids and keep a perfect house, then we are told, no- you must work and earn a living. But wait- don’t forget you have to raise perfect kids and keep a perfect house. So many expectations are thrust upon us. It can be overwhelming. I’m sure we all wish for the days when we had nothing more to worry about then our algebra homework.
Being a grown up is hard- but it has it’s perks. I can reward myself with a mocha coconut frappuccino for getting through the day. I can control my own emotions much better than my three year old – when I choose too. I also can choose to say no to things that aren’t needed in my life (something I’m still learning). I can take control of my own destiny and choose to change it. No one decides things for me. It’s up to me to live life to the fullest- and that’s what I intend to do.

Do I still wish I was twelve- yes, I do have moments. But ultimately, I love my life and the responsibilities I am privileged to have. I wouldn’t want to live it any other way. Today, I choose to be happy, not overwhelmed. I choose to be joyful for the things that fill my life, because there are those out there that are wishing they had a full life. I choose to be grateful for my blessings, because I have to many to count. I choose to be strong, because my kids- and many others- are counting on me. I choose to embrace my tasks at hand and excel, because I am capable of doing so.

What do you choose?

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