Writing- oh how I miss thee. I must beg forgiveness for you have fallen prey to my other loves – running and sleeping.
Day after day I promise myself I will return to my love of writing. And yet, day after day, the sun rises and sets and I have failed to pen my thoughts- or at least a complete thought. There are nights that I begin, but never finish. Half written stories laying dormant in my iPhone- possibly never to be read by a soul. But yet- it accomplishes the task I set out to complete regardless of the reading. I write to write- not to be read. Writing is a healing process for me- a vent of sorts, but more accurately a release. A place where I can go and speak without being interrupted. A blank space waiting to be filled with my thoughts – not my answers to questions or my expertise on anything. Just a place to be fully me. I have missed sharing me- even if it is with just myself.
Life is so completely overwhelming these days. Addisyn is 4 and already wishing her life away to 5. šŸ™‚ she tells me daily, “I don’t want to always be four mommy.” Such a firery young girl she is- so full of life and love and promise. She is my helper. I can trust her with so many tasks and not worry about her ability to accomplish them. But yet, she stays tender. She loves fiercely – really, she lives fiercely. In every aspect, she succeeds fiercely and fails just as fiercely. We are working on catching the beginnings of a meltdown instead of actually going through it. They are few and far between these days, but still occur. I thank God for my “adornment of the Most High God” and pray every day that she will come to embody her name.
Tyce – I don’t even know where to begin. Oh how I love that boy. Oh how he challenges me on a daily-no minutely basis. He overwhelms me with his ability to melt my heart within moments of breaking it. His passion is all-consuming. He is two- every bit of two. He is strong willed and strong hearted. Both qualities I want to nurture and direct. He drives me to my knees daily- which is good. But I pray for the day when he begins to understand and practice the things I am drilling into him daily. Father God knows just what we need – I began potty training him last Wednesday. In the past four days- that child has had one accident. I am shocked and utterly grateful for this victory. God knew I needed something easy with this boy. I cannot believe His faithfulness in matters that are so insignificant. Even in the small things, He shows his love for me.
Zayd, my littlest man, is finally finding his voice. He learns a new word every few hours- thanks to the extensive vocabularies of his two siblings. He is one moment, all-sufficient and self-sustaining and the next, planted in my arms where he refuses to budge. Sweet. He is sweet. And kind, and precious, and precocious. šŸ™‚ Teething seems to wear on him these days and at times, my patience. But he seems to be calmed by my closeness- which is comforting to know I can still fix something with just an embrace.
They are my life and joy and song and blessing. I am lost in their love for me and love for life. Consumed is life in daily things that keep me from my writing- and I would rather do nothing else than spend my waking moments with the blessings I prayed for for so long. I am more blessed than I deserve. Thank you Father for your grace.