Today was not a good day. Today was a very hard day. As was yesterday and the day before. It’s a hard day in a string of hard days weeks. It was tedious and long and tiring and pressing. It was exhausting and patience-draining and nerve-wearing.

The waiting. The waiting is painful. It’s overwhelming and all-consuming. Just drifting without a destination. Not knowing the outcome, not really sure what to hope or look for. Afraid to put too much emphasis on the hopeful, for fear of dashing the hope to pieces. Afraid to prepare for the worst because of the pain even the thought of that brings.

Trying to be strong, be strong for those who feel worse than I could ever feel. Strong to hope. Strong to trust. Strong to surrender.

It’s not about me.

Surrender.

So un-arming is the word. So unnerving.

Surrender.

It lays down my rights. It sets aside my desires. It strips me of my expectations.

Surrender.

It’s what He calls us too. What He draws us too. What He desires us to live out on a daily basis.

Yet my flesh and heart cry out in agony, in self-righteous indignation for something I think I’m owed-Control. I should be able to know, It shouldn’t be this way- this isn’t right, or fair – or good!

Then my heart is reminded. No- THIS isn’t. It was never promised that THIS would be. In fact, it was more often written that THIS would be hard. This road is not good. This road is not fair. This road is not “right”.

HE IS.

He is good. He is right. He is fair. He is hope. He is peace. He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He is everything my heart could ever desire. He is everything.

And that is why I must surrender.
Because the “control” isn’t really trust at all, the “knowing” isn’t surrender, the “reality” isn’t peace.

HE IS.

In the midst- He is.

So I… I surrender.

Because He is wiser than I. And my heart is at peace in the trusting. My mind is at rest in the surrender.

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. (I Peter 5:10 NKJV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6 NIV)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

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