1:07 AM

I decided to rearrange the furniture today due to the fact that it’s officially Christmastime in the Wagner household.

Protest if you must, but it will do no good. Here, the holidays are referred to as simply Christmastime. November 1st – January 2nd outline the season of Joy. You may have differing opinions on this whole “fall” and “thanksgiving” thing. But for me and my household- we will sing Christmas songs on November 1st (if not sooner).

Anyway, I decided to rearrange the furniture. Some things had to be moved to make room for our tree. Ezryi’s toys have overtaken that corner slowly over the past year. In doing so, I finally moved the rocker out of the girls room. There is really no room in there for it, but since I am still nursing her, it was the most convenient place.

But today, I moved it. To the living room. Because who doesn’t need more seating in the living room, right?

So after hours of contemplating, I finally found a spot that won’t impede the flow of traffic and yet still be functional. And now, here I sit. At 1:14 AM, rocking my baby girl. Why, you ask? Because at 1:05, she was screaming from her crib. I have no idea why. I only know that the beating of my heart and the sway of this chair have her soothed back into sweet slumber as I type away. Someone please find the irony in this situation. Last night, there was no need for a rocker. But tonight, after much deliberation, it was moved.

I contemplated giving this rocker away today. As I have done before. We have a lot of someone’s I know that could use it. A lot of someone’s with new babies on the way. A lot of someone’s that would be able to use it way more often than I currently do. And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I can still remember the day I brought it home. I was 7 months pregnant with Addisyn and it was a gift from our amazing church. We were the youth pastors at the time and though we both worked full time jobs, funds were still low. I was so very blessed by the gift and knew it’s use would be imminent.

Before Addisyns arrival, I would sit in the rocker and survey her room while daydreaming of her in my arms. Countless nights after her arrival, I sat and nursed or sang or played with her in that chair. It had very little time to rest as I was pregnant with Tyce just after Addisyn hit the one year mark.

The night before he made his debut and every night for weeks previous, I would sit and rock and write in his baby book the things I was experiencing and the hopes I had for my first boy. The use did not slow after he arrived.

Once again, there was no down time for this special chair. Zayd arrived fourteen short months after Tyce did. I can remember several nights where I had both my boys on my lap.

After Zayd hit the one year mark, the rocker was banished to the attic. There was no room and no real necessity for its presence. Again, I contemplated giving it away. But I can’t seem to detach myself from its pull.

After about a year, the rocker made its appearance in Ezryi’s new room. I have spent countless hours nursing, singing, reading, and rocking with each of my babies in this chair. It has been repaired over and over again, but had lasted through 7 years full of sleepless screaming teething baby nights, “just one more book, mom”s and “but I’m really not tired”s.

So as I sit in the wee hours of the morning, with my baby girl sleeping soundly with her head firmly planted on my chest, I am grateful that today was not the day that I decided to give the rocker away. I am grateful for a church family that loved me enough to help provide more than just necessities for a young couple expecting their first baby.

Soon the day will come when my babies are too old to crawl in my lap and be rocked to sleep. Soon, this old rocker, and all its memories, will find a new home with a different Momma.

Soon enough.

But not tonight. Tonight, it will once again soothe the cries of the one whose name means “God is my Gracious Help”. It will bring peace when a nights sleep is interrupted. It will provide comfort, not only to my baby, but to my heart as I remember other nights when rocking was the only thing that would help. It will remind me that this too shall pass. It will remind me that one day, my baby girl will be almost too big to fit in Mommys lap and lay her head on my chest. It will remind me to cherish the 1:30 AM wake up calls. Because before I know it, they will be over. They will be replaced by curfews and arguments over who gets to drive.

Thank you, my sweet rocking chair, for bringing me back down memory lane. I will always cherish my hours spent holding my babies. I will always remember the rhythm of their breathing and the pure bliss of holding a sleeping child.

I’m feeling like, maybe, the rocker will need to remain part of the living room for just a little while longer…