You know those days that just come crashing down on you with the weight of the world barreling right through the glass ceiling you thought was brass but instead gave way with such ease that the enormity of it all threatened to swallow you whole? 

Yeah. That’s today

The Just. Can’t. Is sitting so squarely on my chest- and I don’t see it moving anytime soon. 

How crazy is it that in a moment the world goes from this massive place with all the things to do and all the places to go and the deadlines and laundry and dishes and practice and homework and busy-ness to the simple little warmth of the tiny two year old hand holding mine while she falls asleep in my arms. 
Because all the things and all the places matter no longer and your focus is blurred to all the things in favor of The Only Things I truly care about which aren’t things at all

Focus. It hit hard today. 

Those moments that steal the “living without really paying attention” and make the mundane exhilarating. Like getting to watch my husband play with our babies on the living room floor taking turns dog-piling one another with shrieks of laughter. The giggles that inevitably end in one set of tears, but so much joy that the risk is worth it. 

The sitting around the table listening to a 4 year old recount how the worst part of his day was not getting to sing the Goodbye song at school. 

The chocolate covered smiles that breathe breath into my soul like no other Thing ever could. 

These moments are glimpses of Heaven to me. The promise that something lies beyond this heart-breaking, battered and bruised world. That all this is not in vain. That my toil and labor and attempt to mold these children into life-giving, fire-breathing, soul-changing people is worth it all. 

Days like today- when I Just. Can’t. When I just can’t speak the reality of this world we live in- so I choose to bury my face in the sweet smell of childhood and breathe deep of those who don’t know the pain of loss as deeply as others. 

I cling to the words penned by Laura Story who has walked a road far more treacherous than I could imagine with far more poise and grace than I ever could “this pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our home.” 
“The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:17-18‬ ‭NASB‬‬