I’ve struggled with writing since we moved. I’ve been telling myself that it’s because I don’t have anything to say. But I think it’s more like there too much to say. I don’t even know where to begin. I need to just start writing and forget trying to make the perfect post. So, I guess tonight is as good of a time as any. 2016 has been the year of change upon change upon change. In January, my husband got a promotion- which is amazing. One teeny tiny little detail- it was 15 hours away from everything we know as home. 

Every day has been a whirlwind, it seems. We told “our” world in February and packed up or life in a moving van and drove it across the country to the unknown on March 1st. 

In the process, I said goodbye to the greatest job ever- and the most amazing church that I had the privilege to help plant 10 years ago. 

The flip side of this coin is that now I get to stay home with my babies as experience day to day with them. Something I’ve been wanting to do and I am so grateful for this opportunity! 

The amount of emotions that I have experienced since the beginning of this year are too many to count and so complex that I am still trying to sort through them. 

But this one thing I know- we want to be in the center of God’s Will more than we want to be anywhere else. If moving my children halfway across the country doesn’t display that, I don’t know what will! 

So many things have been learned in this short amount of time. I have never been so aware of my reliance on God than I am currently. Not that I didn’t need him before, but when comfort is available, our eyes tend to search for Him less. Every single moment has been a dependance. 

I have always known that I am a control freak. There’s NOTHING like having absolutely nothing comfortable to bring that character flaw front and center. 

Because of the quick move, we were not able to find a home right away. So, we made the difficult decision to live in an apartment for a few months to find a home. 

What a humbling experience. No yard. Not very much space. And four rambunctious children with no friends to speak of when we moved in. The stove doesn’t work like I’m used to and the dishwasher barely holds anything…. Yada yada yada. I could go on, but I don’t want to bore you. 

The point is- I am seeing my relationship with the Lord in a whole new way. These minor inconveniences force me to re-evaluate who I really am. What do I really want to teach my kids? That I am only happy with a stainless steel fridge and a confection oven? Or that my happiness comes from something entirely different than my current surroundings. 

When I type these things on paper- these seemingly overwhelming things in my day to day life- they seem so petty and meaningless. That’s because they are. They are only a catalyst to show me how my heart needs to change. They are an opportunity to let the Lord work in my life in an area I hadn’t ever realized was an issue until now. 

I can say with certainty that in this time, I have messed up. I have yelled at my children instead of holding them. I have cried over things that were silly and not worth it. I have gotten angry when the situation didn’t not call for it. And for those things, I am grateful. 

I am grateful because they point out the fact that I am still a work in progress. They show me the things I need to focus on and work through so I can be a better mom, friend, worshipper, Christian, and wife. I want to grow. I want to change. 

But most of all, I want to be in His will. Because perfect peace is found at His feet. Because my goal-above all else-is a life lived to make Him known. 
Many songs have resonated throughout this time, but this one by Lauren Daigle strikes a chord in my heart.
“I set my feet upon your mighty name 

So let the rain fall harder

Take my everything, my flesh and blood

I lay me down upon the altar

I am forever covered in Your love

So let the rain fall
Let the waters rise

I will stand as the oceans roar

Let the earth shake beneath me

Let the mountains fall

You are God over the storm

And I am Yours”
I have no idea what His plan is through all this. But He is God over the storm. And I am His.